Post 1: Pre-departure
Location: RDU International Airport
Raleigh, NC, USA
I don’t get all of the superlatives. Every time I talk to someone about their experience traveling abroad, it’s always the best of things. It’s all “super” and “fantastic” and “bloody brilliant.” The only bloody thing is how terrified I am.
Generally speaking, I’m actually okay. The emotions are mixed, excited and nervous, ecstatic and mildy nauseous. I couldn’t have written before sitting in the terminal, which, of course, I apologize for. I’ve forgotten basically everything I got before leaving, in regards to this course, but I feel like that was bound to happen. I’ve never liked going into anything completely blind, but this time around, I don’t think I should have a frame of reference. I’ve prepped for everything so far in life, and nothing’s done anything but change. Every plan has had to be reworked and edited and reconfigured.
So I think, with this, the most planned-yet-not-planned thing I’ve ever done, it’s good to go in with no expectations. Given everything I’ve heard, there’s no point. There have been plans, and there are definitely objectives, but nothing super solid, nothing I’m going to stick hard and fast to. Everything that’s been turned in, everything I’ve already been and everything I will later be held accountable for got planned, but those were mostly for other people. For the next four and a half months, the only long term, steadfast necessities are leaving on June 6th and passing all my classes. Nothing else really seems to matter.
I must admit that this frame of mind has been building for some time. I used to be a planner. Someone who discussed and pondered and made pro-con lists. But recently, everything in my life got turned around. I’m not anywhere near the same person as before. These days, things get done by the seat of my pants. It’s not working ridiculously well, but it’s working, which shows old-me that there are different ways going about life. What I want to do is find a medium in this, a sort of middle ground where I don’t have to always have plans, but can still reasonably follow a schedule. I can’t do everything last minute anymore.
This semester won’t necessarily be about changing my life again, but I do want to try and figure myself out better. See what works, discover what doesn’t. For me. The past semester was a grueling challenge that I feel I only barely managed to get through. And at the time, this trip seemed like an impossible end reward. I can’t go through more semesters like that. More semesters where everything seems like its for everyone else. Where I feel guilty for taking me-time to relax before jumping through more hoops than anyone would ever know what to do with.
London and this Honors Abroad: UK course seem like they will be good focusing tools for me. Just sitting here in the terminal, I’ve already realized what I’ve forgotten (my maps, my book, an Ethernet cable, my toothbrush charger, a travel size package of Kleenex, cough drops). I know what I’ve left behind on purpose (my dearest stuffed animal, my family/friends, basically almost all personal sentimentality). I have the basics of what I need to get about and travel (train tickets, hotel vouchers, all of my correspondence from Strathclyde, clothing, toiletries).
The timing of this trip is what it is and couldn’t really be helped. My own personal mindset can be. The shift is going to color the experience, but maybe, if I’m lucky, the reverse will also be true. And maybe, if I’m even luckier, I can take that kind of intangible back with me in June.
~ Heather
